Philly International: The Sights, the Smells

October 23, 2017. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

This is an interactive post. Using the wonders of modern technology, you can experience the magic of Bastard Travel in real time! All you need to do to feel like you’re really here, with me, at PHL, is hover your face roughly a foot above a broken urinal and give a good, deep, Vicks Vapo-rub inhale.

Truly, though, even that doesn’t do it justice. Somehow the Philadelphia airport smells more like piss than piss does. The Platonian form of urine. If you can’t find a broken urinal, just break one yourself, I’ll be here when you get back.

Now that we’ve weathered that together, on with the story. I was throwing the dice on airport Chinese food because I have a 3 consecutive win streak with it and McDonnellzz squicks me out. I sit down and start into my 9 A.M. bourbon chicken and brown rice when what do my wondering eyes do appear but


This phenomenal boy.

(Note: As a dog scholar I am aware that it’s poor form to photograph a Safety Dog since they have a very important job to do and if you distract them from it their owner might die in the interim. To avoid interfering with the possibility that this incredible dog may need to administer the Heimlich, or extinguish its burning owner should he somehow catch fire, I was way shady about taking this picture.)

It’s impolite to bother a dog at work, no matter how well behaved and impeccably groomed he is. I ate my chicken in contemplative silence while he stared at me, emanating an aura of Lawful Good and licking his chops.

Were it not for the laws of this land, we would be sharing this airport Chinese food, as blood brothers.

The backpacking trip through Europe begins as soon as my flight stops getting delayed. Tentatively, I’ll be landing in Dublin at 5 AM on October 24th. I’m hoping they have a 24 hour breakfast situation nearby where I can get some of those breakfast beans I hear so much about, and the sausage made of blood. That could be pretty metal.

I’ll keep you posted.

The eponymous Bastard

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